ships

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.”
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

warsan

I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and deeply committed to myself. - Warsan http://warsanshire.tumblr.com/ I am swimming around in he words today.

a sort of surrender.

You are not the person you imagined you would be, but you did do all the imagining, which is nice.

Drive

I had never seen Ryan Gosling in a film, but he is great in Drive. So is everyone else. Things that watching this film made me want to do.

1. drive

2. L.A. sunsets

3. chinese food

4. drapes

5. watch cartoons

6. wear a swimming suit under a skirt to work

ever so slight it carries

Venus in transit. June 5, 2012.

If Venus is only going to do this once, then wait another 100 years, then I should see it now. Something centennial captures intrigue simply because we start imagining that we might place ourselves in time with this event. We were here. We are happening also. This image of Venus crossing the Sun can be etched into something more fool proof. I think we can circle it's shadow dots and count to five. That is easy enough. But try imagining what space holds on either end of its travels and then we seep into a darkness. A circular or pendular or planar trip.

casseroles

true and sad, simple too

sometimes life surprises people, sometimes it doesn't

smart young princess

Arfa "Why are there no kids in your company?" - ARCast interview

I wonder why

sometimes we feel

WOLVES from Crictor on Vimeo.

avocado baby

I miss living in CA., sometimes. Avocados I miss especially. And being hungry for toast and thick green slices on the sunny campus.

best

One of the best books I have ever opened. I've read it about 12 times since freshman year in art appreciation. Its sort of the best explanation of things I've found yet. Read some chapters here. Lucky you.

On a side note. black holes remember everything they've ever eaten.

hero talk

Chris Van Allsburg talk at the Tacoma Public Library last night made my heart tick a little nicer. He said that you have to practice writing and drawing. He said that good things take a long time, like 6-11 months, which is a nice thing to have confirmation of. And the best thing of all was this, "I created a story where nothing was there before." Quite possibly the best thing anyone has ever said about writing stories for children.

pretty lusty

You're the kind of monster that doesn't wait for the sheets to hit my skin, before you crawl out from under my bed. The circus red tips of the blossoms you spin are crushing and deadly and poison against the little pearls of wisdom you pretend. Listless in a sleep, purple hearts and softly weeping, baby breath against the truly white night, a little lonely only wandering then. I want to make you feel the pull. Tight little fists against your chest, but barely a thump to you. I'm kind of begging here, on my new knees, to be a something in your sleep that doesn't let you go.

perfection

I can't stop watching this clip. I love the music and the edits on this. perfect timing and sequencing and makes me want to make some kick ass video installations. fuck this is lovely.

beat of the jungle beats

I'm sure that the way the street slants towards the ocean makes it seem like Seattle is a sweet place to walk. Always towards the sunlit gleamy piers, wasting into brighter air above the salt and dead crabs. And my lake, the one I had to drive around to reach the other side each day said something else to another boat or a seaplane. I can tell you exactly where you should be standing, where the light can hit the top portion of your sneakers and the rest of you can finish your cigarette in the shadow near the closed greek cafe. you can walk all around and take photos with your eye held up to a rolled paper from the baguette you just inhaled after your cigarette. Get some sleep and in the morning tell her about the day you've had patrolling the streets for sentiment. I am hiding here, but you haven't asked me what I think about any of the shops. I could tell you about the way the fish makes me feel. We could slip sushi into our tummies and then walk forward to find something else like tea or a coffee or a person to comment on. I am so good at commenting. I will even be brave and take your photo near them so we can remember how they looked and what we ate and the beautiful sun we shared. Just ask me where to find myself, I would love to share this tilted city with you.

love and heartbreak

sincere thoughts and pride and joy and baby steps towards an understanding, but never to forget your love for us all. weeping wildly again for your climb and fall. touching and sentimental.

in the middle of the night of the summer

i am a little lonely for everyone i have ever known and sometimes in the middle of the night i panic. i think about the things we've done and how they float further and further from now. every second longer lasting and more distant. when i think about us. we were so good. we were so right even when we hated it. i think about you living with someone new. my head swims. my heart gets too big for my throat. and then i am reminded about all of the people who share that space. i think about how before i met you i didn't know there was room for you in there, but clearly i didn't know anything at all. and that thought is the only thing that keeps me hopeful for someone else. i think that if i do find them they should do some cleaning up in there, because honestly is it good to store all of those things in that space for this long? and i wonder about you too. are you happy with the person who took my place? does she have you wrapped around her finger like you used to let me drag you around? you liked it because you told me. and when i am this lonely i think i liked it too, even though in the morning i will remember more clearly that i didn't like that part at all. and you too. there you are at the very bottom, almost like a sandy bottomed well. you are the heaviest, even though i barley knew you at all. you sit, sodden and sunken in the deepest part. that isn't even you fault, you were just the first. and thats okay, because you let everything else rise to the top and i like it like that. and i am here alone in this room, in someone else's house thinking about mistakes and times when i was selfish or sad when i should have been kind and happy. and you should have too. to have a mirror on my life with you i would have changed us. could have spent more time alone preparing for my time apart from things. last time, i tried to think about what i wanted after you, and then you came along before i could decide. this time, i am doing it right. i am waiting it out, just to see if you are out there. you are all so important to the way i think about the love i have. you are distinguished gentlemen, but only because i say so. i am determined to never let you go, and every part of you that loved me is still here.

an old poem I wrote in grad school

First you love me, Then you fade away.

Sings Lindsey, as if his guitar could pronounce the word.

Between you and your own excitement, I say, speaking about myself.

This premonition ceases to disappoint, out of all of this dinosaur breath.

Beginning with the smashing and smothering together of ten thousand years before this hour,

Ending with the realization that this hour has not yet been born.

Seeping into the space that resides silently as the hills flooded with fog.

Saving it would only allow that time to quicken its split into light and dust.

Can I imagine the consistency of fermions created before the sun could blink?

But I can find you in a crowd over and over again.

Touch the sleeve of a stranger and know its you again.

Go to sleep dreaming of the escape I will commit, again.

To late tonight, to drag the past out into the light.

Those boys sweetly sing, smoother than Lindsey can.

Bottles and bottles and bottles of ocean foam.

Two hours pass and I’m still singing along.

Singing and humming and whistling Pack’s song.

the taste of love is sweet

why were we ever so mean to each other? who breaks hearts? we do, we do!